Hell on Earth

Ikea.

4 little letters.

That spell H.E.L.L.

Today's road to HELL had 14 steps:

Step 1

Persuade the whole family that the trip to hell (and hopefully back - home that is) is essential and cannot be dodged by any member of the family - no sick notes accepted and skiving off to play with friends also not permissable.

Step 2
Drive to Ikea in 2 separate cars to ensure we can fit in what we buy (on this occasion a 2m high wardrobe) & try to park 2 cars in the already full Ikea carpark

Step 3
Fight our way through the masses within the shop to the wardrobe area.
Spend 30 minutes with the master of indecision (no. 1 son) debating the pros and cons of glossy white over plain beech, the choice of handles, & what should actually go inside (yeah, I know clothes, ultimately, but shelves & drawers & hanging space, just shelves & hanging...)

Step 4
Stand in the queue to talk to the man to make sure we get all the bits we need.

Step 5
Abandon place in queue just as you get to the front to talk to m.o.i who is now deep in discussion with traitorous husband about a completely different wardrobe...Persuade them both to come to their senses and go with original choice as better.

Step 6
Stand in the queue to talk to the man to make sure we get all the bits we need.

Step 7
Walk away from man clutching piece of paper.

Step 8
Drag family through the 'marketplace' area trying to stop them dawdling too long and buying too many other 'essentials'.

Step 9
Stand in HUGE queue at checkout, get to front and realise that the list the nice man gave us in Step 7 should have been collected by us as we went through the self service warehouse (at this point I should make clear that we are not Ikea virgins, but the last time we bought something the size of a wardrobe we had to wait to pay and then wait again at the other warehouse bit while they found what we'd paid for...and so we just assumed that the same would apply here, duh!)

Step 10
Drag family around the warehouse, locating the bits of the wardrobe.

Step 11
Stand in queue to pay

Step 12
Escape from Ikea and attempt to load everything into car while cars wait for our spaces.

Step 13
Drive home and empty contents of car into garage.

Step 14
Put off until another day the assembly of item from HELL as it will only cause arguments and much cussing...and besides there's footie on telly!