Thursday, November 22, 2012

2012 Award for Bad Mothering

Goes to me!

I am officially crap in the art of being a mom, you'd think I'd be better at it by now, wouldn't you, afterall Ben is 15, so much practice and still rubbish. Ho hum.

Let me list my misdemeanors...

1) Constantly trying to feed children food stuffs they don't like, carrots and chewey meat (Jas) sweetcorn and tomatoes (Ben). I have clearly given up trying more adventurous foods, I'm merely listing here the things that on a weekly basis both are forced to eat, because I think it's good for them.

2) Not restocking the fizzy drink stash from the Getränkmarkt* which means if they want to drink anything other than tap water or fruit juice they can't. I don't restock as often as they want because in my opinion there are healthier things to drink, also, I don't drink any of that stuff, if they're so desperate for it then they can come with me to the shop and help haul the crates from the car to the shop and back**.

3) Sometimes there's no apple or orange juice in the upstairs fridge for breakfast, usually because one of three people finished the last bottle and didn't replace it from the store in the cellar. Not really my problem, I rarely drink apple or orange juice, I do make sure there is enough in the house though.

4) Ben/daddy finished the cereal. Always my fault, always.

5) The top that I wore yesterday isn't washed and ironed already. How slack am I? I refuse to do the ironing more than once a week. I'd not do it at all if I thought I could get away with it, but no, every Friday afternoon I get to smooth wrinkles out of clothing.

6) Not waiting in my car at the school on time. It takes 20 minutes to walk between our house and the school. Ben seems capable of doing this without help, Jas is a lazy moo. Monday I had a German lesson later than usual and so was still engrossed in the subquamperfekt*** when the phone rang, "where are you?" "just leaving to fetch you" I bluffed "so you should be" came the cheeky retort.

7) Jas has a brace that she has to sleep in, she keeps taking it out in the middle of the night (the dentist is NOT happy) so as I go to bed I check it's still in, if not then I wake her and make her put it back in. She doesn't like this being woken up nonsense, but I equally don't enjoy getting a tongue lashing from the dentist.

8) The clementines are all mushy/dried out. I am clearly supposed to check them before I buy them, haven't worked out how that is possible, without getting thrown out of the shop for fruit molesting.

9) Someone ate all the chocolate in the fridge. Guilty as charged. I buy it for the people in the house, but if I hear it calling to me then I will eat it (in secret, when they're in bed)

10) Today I made my son late for school. Not on purpose, I'm daft but not suicidal. Jas has two days a week when she has a first lesson, Ben has one day a week when he doesn't have a first lesson. This morning should have been a lie in for Jas and a get up early/normal for Ben. Except that I got them both up at the same time. Oops. In my defence, as soon as we/Ben realised I offered to drive him to school at the same time as pointing out to him that the lesson he would be late for was French, which is not his favourite. I'm sure I haven't heard the end of it.

* large warehouse style shop that only sells fizzy pop, bottled water, beer and basic wine.
** all the bottles are recycled, you take them back to the shop, get your money back and buy more, it increases the hassle but is better for the environment.
*** or is it the plusquamperfekt? German grammar, shudder.

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