Klettern

As a treat (!) Herr B always takes his leaving children on a school trip and I get the impression that most years it's to the same place, the Kletterwald in Niederrhein about a 45 minute drive from home.

Back in January, or whenever it was first mentioned I foolishly agreed to go along too, probably thinking I could take some of the children in my car,  throw the dog in too and while they climbed through the trees Logan and I could go walkies.

No.

Gosia decided otherwise and so I ended up climbing too (otherwise she'd have put on her sad face (Poles can do very sad faces) and made me feel guilty).

It was, in the typical German manner, organised chaos.

Seriously, it's no wonder they missed out on two world wars, a piss up in a brewery would be impossible to organise here if they were put in charge.

Thing 1, 12 children, assume each car going can take four children, and one could take six (big tank like people carrier) therefore only three parents need to go along.  No.  There was me with two children, R with three, G with one, U with two, then another mom brought four girls and left them so that a different mom could drive over and collect them...and the offer of lifts to the parents had been made.

Thing 2, the letter from the teacher said something about after the climbing we can all picnic together.  Now the way it was phrased (in German, clearly) made me pause sufficiently that I asked R whether she though it meant we were taking a picnic to share out or merely sitting together whilst eating our picnics...we decided on the latter, because otherwise you'd need to decide who was bringing what (12 pots of potato salad anyone?)  It turned out that no-one was quite sure, one parent hacked apart a water melon and opened a huge tub of strawberries for everyone, Herr B had tubs of cucumber (he looked most offended when I refused them*) sliced pepper, small sausages, I had gone with the unhealthy route (do like to enforce the foreigner stereotype whenever possible) of handing out Pringles and Dickmans**.

Thing 3, I think the idea of having several parents along too was that they would accompany small groups of the children around the course, Herr B mentioned something about one adult to three children.  Shame no-one had told the children that before they disappeared into the woods while we adults were still on the training section (it wasn't that we were slow, but rather that we'd let the children go first).

Thing 4, directions to get to the site.  The official carpark for the place is apparently a 20 minute walk through the woods, however there is a cafe and pitch and putt course right next door, with a big carpark, so we were supposed to go there.  Fine.  So it would be obvious to give us the address of the cafe then we could stick that in a satnav*** and drive straight there.  No.  The satnav address was for a street from where you then had to follow typed directions.

The climbing place itself was great fun with different difficulties of climb available.  I have done this before, last year in France, so I knew what to expect and I wasn't far wrong although the main difference was the safety angle.  You would think that the Germans would be the more safety conscious of the two nations wouldn't you?  No.  Where in France at the start of your climb you clipped your safety harness onto the safety line and only unclipped when your feet touched the ground some two hours later, in Germany the children were responsible for clipping and unclipping themselves after every obstacle, a truly terrifying prospect given the absentmindedness of some 10 year olds.  Everytime I heard a scream I tensed waiting for a thud.

Anyway, one day closer to the end of term, there can't be much left that can happen now surely?

Word of the day; klettern - to climb

* possibly my most detested salad item, although it's a close thing what with celery, radishes and beetroot to consider.

** also known as Niggerkisses (can't beat the Germans for being un PC)

*** everyone has one nowadays don't they?

So long, farewell

Auf wiedersehen, goodbye.


That's what the Abschlussfest is all about. Saying goodbye to those the children have spent four years with as they move on to high school. And just as starting a new school is taken seriously here (it is Germany you know) with church services and the whole extended family (including aunts, uncles, god parents and second cousins once removed and maybe the little old lady who lives in a shoe) in attendance, so is the ending of school.


Saturday was Jasmine's goodbye to Schmachtenbergschule and what a long, drawn out, but also fun goodbye it was too.


The planning started months and months ago when the date was agreed and written into everyone's diary (and in the case of Simon (who has missed the last couple of years, the slacker) tattooed on his forehead) then we (year 4 moms) had to think up the entertainment. No German party is complete without planned and carefully scheduled entertainment, they are incapable of spontaneous, unplanned fun, otherwise you will be accused of being disorganised, a fatal flaw in a society wrapped in red tape. Gosia and I bumbled along happily with our disorganised organisation (helped by the fact that neither of us is German!) then we brought on board another two moms, one, R, also not German and U who is proper, proper Deutsch, down to the blonde hair, amazonian height and the intimidating confidence. They brought their ideas to the programe and then U divvied up the responsibilities for everything else (food, beer, soft drinks, table cloths, wine (me), coffee etc) and rang everyone and told them what they had to do...you really can't beat a bossy woman!


Of course the week prior to the do was chaos, trying to get 13 little shits children to bend to your will without giving in to the urge to throttle at least half was tricky, and then there were the parents, as I mentioned last week in "Tick" but hey, it's all behind me now, and you know what? It was fun. I really felt like part of the group, I wasn't on the outside looking in as has happened the last few years, I was there in the middle of it, having a great time.


It was a damn long day though. We got there at 13:30 and spent 2 1/2 hours racing about setting everything up, tables and chairs outside, crockery and cutlery available, beamer, projection screen, skeleton transferred from the top school building to the bottom and so on. Shortly before kickoff (16:00) the other parents started to arrive and proved to be just as frustrating as their children...


- no, there were no cake forks, we'd have to eat the cake with normal sized forks.
- no, there were no more small plates, maybe people would have to eat cake off bigger plates.
- no, we didn't know where the milk or sugar was, that was the responsiblity of a year 3 parent (hopefully still to arrive).
- yes, there was only one jug of coffee* but the rule is the year 3's bring the cake and coffee, the year 4's the salad buffet and bbq and all other drinks. This caused a problem because the year 3 parents have apparently all converted to coffee machines that take pads/capsules etc. and so it was IMPOSSIBLE for them to bring along thermos jugs of coffee. The one poor benighted mother who still used ground coffee had to rush home and make as many jugs of coffee as possible, I can't understand why anyone would have so many jugs suitabe for coffee, unless you run a b&b.
- no, there were no more chairs or tables, this was what was available and this was the available space, it worked fine last year, if there's not enough space for everyone then the kids can go sit on the grass (not the answer I was supposed to give, I was clearly supposed to magic more chairs and tables and space out of thin air)


Once everything got going and people were eating cake (with big forks) and drinking white coffee with sugar all was fine, then we were onto the entertainment, a song for the teacher, a quiz for the children where they all won (although they didn't realise that at the beginning) then another song, from the year 3's to the year 4's, then the trickfilms made by the children with Gosia's help (she spent hours on those films, they were so funny, the girls' ones all detailed with well thought out storylines, the boys with much use of Star Wars lego and explosions) and finally the fashion show where the children paraded out along a red carpeted catwalk dressed to respresent the various themes the class has studied over their two years with Herr B and Herr B hmself had to compere, although he had no idea that he was going to have to do it and had no idea what was coming out from backstage next. The entertainment ended on a high (with no sad piano playing happening, thankfully, it would have totally ruined the mood) and then the men fired up the barbies and we opened the wine.


All in all a great day and thankfully the sun shone and the rain stayed away until Sunday!




* German parties begin with coffee and cake, otherwise the world will stop. Even kids birthday parties follow the same pattern, arrive-cake-entertainment-food. God forbid you try to change the format, I swear the world will cease to spin.

Sunday Snaps 119

Yesterday was Jasmine's Abschlussfest at school, this was the finale of the entertainment programme (before we got the wine open) the children presenting their soon to be ex teacher with wall tattoos of his favourite animal along with the school logo "gross und klein - nie allein"*.  More about this endurance fest later in the week, when I've recovered my energy.



* rough translation, "big and small, never alone".

Tick

We have just over two weeks of this school term and year left and while everything and every child is trying to wind down, we (the parents) are winding up, end of school year means saying goodbye and that needs to acknowledged properly, therefore we have the "Abschlussfest".  This is basically a get together where the year 3's and 4's* recognise the fact that they will never be in the same class again and for the year 4's it's a full on goodbye to the school and their teacher.


We have these every summer and the format is usually the same.  
- Meet up around 4pm for the cake "buffet" and coffee provided by the year 3's.  An hour or so of tedious but essential small talk follows before we have the entertainment.  One year it was a fun sports competition (I seem to recall a lot of water being involved, fortunately it was a hot summer day) last year there was a clever DVD that some parents had put together of the children and also a truly nauseating and almost sycophantic song penned by a couple of over eager moms all about the wonderfulness of the teacher**.  
- After the entertainment we get the bbq fired up and then we sit down to burnt offerings and multiple salads (provided by the year 4 mom's)  
- Then the children will charge about like crazed beings while the adults sit and gossip in their little cliques (aided by beer and wine) until some child persuades Herr B to get his guitar out, the fire bowl is lit and we sing songs until the stars come out/the children fall asleep/the cows come home*** (it'd be more fun if they were songs I knew, but as I wasn't a child here in Germany there's no chance of me knowing any of the words).


It can be...pleasant, will be even better when viewed from Sunday but currently I just have the prospect of it looming and the knowledge that I was foolish enough to volunteer to help...


The entertainment this year is going to consist of a quiz, which will have the kids split into four teams, and has been compiled from questionnaires we gave the children (personal questions about pets/eye colour/favourite sweets/number of languages they can speak****). Then there's a "trickfilm" made by the children (with a huge amount of work from mom G) trickfilm is a name the Germans seem to give to simple animation, made with stop/go filming, most of the kids tried it out during an art week earlier in the year with great results.  This time I think they've been more adventurous and a lot of Lego has been involved!  We also have a fashion show (mom U's scheme) the idea being that the children will dress up to represent the different themes they've studied during the year, we'll have a red carpet for them to walk along and the music from Germany's Next Top Model and the kids will all have to race to get from the end of the catwalk to back stage and get changed (practice tomorrow, joy)  Finally there will be a song (mom R was insistent that as there was a song last year so there should be one this...at least it's the kids singing it and not us!)  I gather the tune is "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" and the lyrics are all about how will they and Herr B cope apart (I think it's funny, although I haven't listened to all the words it has to be said...)

Every aspect of the entertainment has all the kids working together, quite an achievement (if it goes smoothly)  but one mom (who hasn't bothered to get involved, apart from to ring each of us in turn and complain) isn't happy.  Unbeknownst to all of us she's had her daughter practicing for an hour a day (apparently & who am I to call her a liar?) a piece from the film Amelie it's a beautiful piece of music but doesn't quite fit in with anything that has been organised and if she does play it (at some point) how will the other children feel who also play instruments (not to mention the other, equally pushy German parents) if one gets to play for Herr B then shouldn't all have the chance?  This particular mother is a foreigner like me (and believe me, that is the only thing we have in common) and yesterday she managed to catch me on the phone to harangue (I'd been call screening, but this one slipped through)  she went on and on about the Abschlussfest for some time, I had to cut her short in the end as I had to collect a child from school, but throughout the call she kept saying (in German, she says she can speak English but I have yet to hear any) "d'you understand me?"  I've noticed she says that a lot and I had thought that it was because she wasn't sure if my German was good enough to keep up with her (which bugged me just a little) but I've now come to realise that it's a verbal tick.  In the same way that people in English might say "erm" or "you know" or "like", this mother's "verstehst du mich?" is just a tick, it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't expect an answer each and every time it's uttered though!  Maybe next time when she slips though my call screening and I hear "verstehst du mich?" I should say "nein"...although she'd probably take me seriously and offer me German lessons knowing my luck!
  




* our school has mixed year group classes.
** yes, he is a good teacher and yes the children do love him despite his strictness but it was just a little too saccharin for my stomach.
*** take your pick, I just know that Jas will be the last one there and will still want one more song.

**** I was really surprised to read just how many think they can speak English, given that they usually stare at me like I'm a martian when I talk in English with Jas.