In April my son's bilingual class is off on a trip to England for a week to help with their language acquisition...some parents assumed that Ben wouldn't go, after all he speaks the language perfectly already and therefore doesn't the help, but why should he miss out on what will be a fun bonding experience?
There was a second meeting last night to further explain the timetable and the people involved and to answer people's questions. It took two hours, by the end of which my left leg had gone to sleep. The trip isn't till the end of April, and I'm sure there'll be another meeting before then, because England is a foreign country and you do have to take a passport to "get in". This fact has been raised before and it really bugs me. The teacher's words were something along the lines of* "a valid passport is essential because the British are very strict about this" - to which I called out (without first raising my hand, probably got a black mark against my name for that) "that's because they're not Schengen" (I can quite understand the UK's point of view, as an island nation, used to being able to repel all invaders,as they crossed into the country, staggering up the beaches all wet and salty. Why should they suddenly trust others to check people credentials and yes, it is a ball ache to wait in a queue at passport/border control, but get over it).
There was quite a debate about the four 18 year olds who are going along with the two teachers to help with the 33 kids (all under 14), we, as parents are asked to contribute towards half of their costs, 20euro per parent couple - it had to be worded like that because as one mother pointed out she has twins in the class and doesn't want to have to pay twice for the 18year olds (although thinking about it, if she has two kids in the class, going on the trip, then they both need to be supported/accompanied so therefore shouldn't she pay twice? I'm not about to tell her that to her face (although a German would) because she's bigger than me & frequently gives my son a lift home from school**).
Smoking and drinking will be forbidden on the trip (well, good - they are all only 14 after all) even the 18 year olds are only allowed to indulge when they are not with the minors. One mom was concerned that her child might end up in a house with smokers, was there a chance to ensure this didn't happen, she asked? I had to bite my tongue not to call out that in my opinion there are far more smokers here in Germany than in England. I left it for one of the two teachers (that'd be the one that doesn't smoke) to comment that they hadn't that problem before and that no-one would have been smoking in the bedrooms where the children sleep.
It was suggested that the children all take a small gift for the guest family they will be staying with, but the question was what? Liver sausage was suggested (I'm hoping this was a joke, can you imagine receiving a package of stinky liver sausage that has been in a child's rucksack for 12 hours?) Haribo was also a suggestion, which is OK as long as the child concerned isn't lodging with an OAP couple, a family with kids maybe would appreciate gummy sweets but the older generation? Unlikely. Another suggestion was wine (and this from the teacher) I would rather not entrust a highly breakable glass bottle to a teenager who is as likely to fling his bag onto the coach as to use it as a seat. I suggested chocolate, everyone appreciates chocolate and there is loads of German chocolate from the huge variety of "Ritter" bars (that my parents covet) to hand made chocolate shops on every self respecting street.
The teacher organising the trip wants everyone to take bathing towels, because they're going to the seaside (in April) and there's the possibility that they meet down on the beach and go in the sea (the average temperature high for April in Margate is 12C, you wont catch my English son going anywhere near that water (which has an average temperature of 12.1C, brrrrr).
One of the other items suggested that the children take is a "worterbuch" - dictionary, I don't think Ben will need that & I can imagine Ben's friends will also think that, seeing as they'll have a walking, talking English/German dictionary with them.
I'm quite sure this is only the start of the arrangements for a trip that will take the children away for six days and doesn't occur until April 23. There is such a thing as over planning.
* loose translation going on here.
** I don't pick Ben up because the school is a 10 minute walk away, if she chooses to drive there and back twice a day in order to collect her lazy boys (they live along our road, so it's a 10 minute walk for them also) and Ben convinces her to give him a lift then fine by me.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Nochmal Klum
I refuse to watch German TV.
It is rubbish. Ask any non German, or even a German who has experienced life and TV outside of Deutschland.
The news is good, my German teacher said in its defence, before continuing that you can't just watch the news.
However, I am not going to go into yet another rant about the awfulness of German broadcasting, because last week the one series that I watch religiously, every year started up again - Germany's Next TopModel with Heidi Klum.
Heidi can be a tad irritiating at times it has to be said, and her dress sense (for someone who must surely have the pick of designers) can be relied on to be, at best, entertaining, but I guess I should just be grateful that she doesn't wear black.
The wannabe models are always bitchy about each other, I don't think there's been a full on cat fight in the last 6 years - but never say never, after all the girls are forced to live in a large house together, far away from home for 2-3 months, and every week compete against each other to be chosen for advertising campaigns and to be the most perfect model.
Last week's show was the first in the 2012 series, we started with 51* pre-selected wannabes and almost 3 hours later** 26 had been culled. From this 3 hour marathon there were a couple of things that stood out for me;
- one girl had corkscrew curls, which were naturally dark brown, except that she had dyed her hair white blonde. There is no doubt that it looked hideous, but the jury declared that it looked like wool, a trifle mean, but I guess she probably doesn't mind, seeing as she survived through to the second week.
- many of the wannabes had travelled to the catwalk show with their family, one brought her pet rat, which she then took down the catwalk on her shoulder, plain weird if you ask me, she also made it through, a move I'm sure the jury will regret because this girl was hyper, she couldnot keep still and could barely string a comprehensible sentence together.
- the wannabes are all terribly tall and terribly thin, I heard that the U.S. version of the show had a "plus size" model amongst their candidates, very PC of them, can't see that happening in Germany for a good few years, they can't even spell PC...anyway, one of last weeks 51 had the temerity to catch malaria (she lives in South Africa) in the time between the original casting when she made it into the 51 (clearly filmed last autumn sometime) and the catwalk show that aired last week (I guess filmed more recently) instead of losing weight as she fought the illness, her mother fed her up on "little fishes cooked in milk" (most of the jury struggled to hide their revulsion at such a meal) and as she said herself, she clearly ate too much of the little fishes cooked in milk, but she recovered from malaria without resorting to drugs. She has put on 10 kilos since she made it into the top 51 and when she appeared at the head of the catwalk the jury weren't sure that they had the right girl. The programme producers clearly knew they had the right girl and were totally prepared, because this girl was forced to walk down the catwalk to the song "Big and Chunky" by Will.I.Am, they had even sneakily edited the track so that pretty much all you heard was the word "chunky" being repeated over and over again. As I said, it'll be a long time before Germany is politically correct.
- the girls are expected to walk down the catwalk and pose, showcasing themselves, selling themselves to the jury, one girl went a little too far by walking down in a swimming costume (it wasn't even a very nice cossie) and had the producers/assistants running on with a silky dressing gown to cover her nakedness, bizarre really when you consider that the next episode is being shot on a beach in Thailand where I'm guessing they wont be wearing winter coats. Another girl had on a stretchy fitted tube style top over skinny jeans, the camper member of the jury didnot like this at all, and jumped to his feet and before you could say "Germany's Next TopModel" he had pulled the girl's top down so that it was (mini)dress length and removed her jeans. The poor girl was mortified and I can't remember whether she made it through to the 25, but if she did then she'll need to get used to stripping in front of the cameras because models are always having to change clothes in front of other people, definitely not a profession for the shy and retiring!
I usually watch Heidi on my own as it's too late for Jas (10) and too uncool/girly/booooooring for Ben(14) and Simon is often just not here, but this time I had the pleasure of watching the almost 3 hour long show with Si - I don't think he'll be back for more!
* 51 rather than 50 (which would have been the obvious number) because last year there was a girl who made it to the first 25 but was then diagnosed with a particular type of cancer and had to pull out of the show in order to receive treatment. At the time Heidi told Melek that they would keep a place for her in the following year's show, hence 50+1.
**this is the main problem (in my opinion) with German TV, they take a perfectly workable TV series from another country, Come Dine with Me, Who wants to be a Millionaire etc. and stretch it out to last all evening, making it time consuming and draining, even if you record it and watch it back so you can speed through the ad breaks, it's still a loooooong show.
It is rubbish. Ask any non German, or even a German who has experienced life and TV outside of Deutschland.
The news is good, my German teacher said in its defence, before continuing that you can't just watch the news.
However, I am not going to go into yet another rant about the awfulness of German broadcasting, because last week the one series that I watch religiously, every year started up again - Germany's Next TopModel with Heidi Klum.
Heidi can be a tad irritiating at times it has to be said, and her dress sense (for someone who must surely have the pick of designers) can be relied on to be, at best, entertaining, but I guess I should just be grateful that she doesn't wear black.
The wannabe models are always bitchy about each other, I don't think there's been a full on cat fight in the last 6 years - but never say never, after all the girls are forced to live in a large house together, far away from home for 2-3 months, and every week compete against each other to be chosen for advertising campaigns and to be the most perfect model.
Last week's show was the first in the 2012 series, we started with 51* pre-selected wannabes and almost 3 hours later** 26 had been culled. From this 3 hour marathon there were a couple of things that stood out for me;
- one girl had corkscrew curls, which were naturally dark brown, except that she had dyed her hair white blonde. There is no doubt that it looked hideous, but the jury declared that it looked like wool, a trifle mean, but I guess she probably doesn't mind, seeing as she survived through to the second week.
- many of the wannabes had travelled to the catwalk show with their family, one brought her pet rat, which she then took down the catwalk on her shoulder, plain weird if you ask me, she also made it through, a move I'm sure the jury will regret because this girl was hyper, she couldnot keep still and could barely string a comprehensible sentence together.
- the wannabes are all terribly tall and terribly thin, I heard that the U.S. version of the show had a "plus size" model amongst their candidates, very PC of them, can't see that happening in Germany for a good few years, they can't even spell PC...anyway, one of last weeks 51 had the temerity to catch malaria (she lives in South Africa) in the time between the original casting when she made it into the 51 (clearly filmed last autumn sometime) and the catwalk show that aired last week (I guess filmed more recently) instead of losing weight as she fought the illness, her mother fed her up on "little fishes cooked in milk" (most of the jury struggled to hide their revulsion at such a meal) and as she said herself, she clearly ate too much of the little fishes cooked in milk, but she recovered from malaria without resorting to drugs. She has put on 10 kilos since she made it into the top 51 and when she appeared at the head of the catwalk the jury weren't sure that they had the right girl. The programme producers clearly knew they had the right girl and were totally prepared, because this girl was forced to walk down the catwalk to the song "Big and Chunky" by Will.I.Am, they had even sneakily edited the track so that pretty much all you heard was the word "chunky" being repeated over and over again. As I said, it'll be a long time before Germany is politically correct.
- the girls are expected to walk down the catwalk and pose, showcasing themselves, selling themselves to the jury, one girl went a little too far by walking down in a swimming costume (it wasn't even a very nice cossie) and had the producers/assistants running on with a silky dressing gown to cover her nakedness, bizarre really when you consider that the next episode is being shot on a beach in Thailand where I'm guessing they wont be wearing winter coats. Another girl had on a stretchy fitted tube style top over skinny jeans, the camper member of the jury didnot like this at all, and jumped to his feet and before you could say "Germany's Next TopModel" he had pulled the girl's top down so that it was (mini)dress length and removed her jeans. The poor girl was mortified and I can't remember whether she made it through to the 25, but if she did then she'll need to get used to stripping in front of the cameras because models are always having to change clothes in front of other people, definitely not a profession for the shy and retiring!
I usually watch Heidi on my own as it's too late for Jas (10) and too uncool/girly/booooooring for Ben(14) and Simon is often just not here, but this time I had the pleasure of watching the almost 3 hour long show with Si - I don't think he'll be back for more!
* 51 rather than 50 (which would have been the obvious number) because last year there was a girl who made it to the first 25 but was then diagnosed with a particular type of cancer and had to pull out of the show in order to receive treatment. At the time Heidi told Melek that they would keep a place for her in the following year's show, hence 50+1.
**this is the main problem (in my opinion) with German TV, they take a perfectly workable TV series from another country, Come Dine with Me, Who wants to be a Millionaire etc. and stretch it out to last all evening, making it time consuming and draining, even if you record it and watch it back so you can speed through the ad breaks, it's still a loooooong show.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sunday Snaps 102
Notice anything odd about the four in the middle, starting with the pale blue one titled "Dear Germany" and ending with a nasty yellow grammar book...
Why is it, do you think, that the English books all have their titles running top to bottom on the spines and the German ones bottom to top?
Weird.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Gym Bunny #2
About a year ago I joined a gym.
Now I have, over the years, been a member of many gyms - there was the one in Cannock where there used to be lots of muscle bound guys pumping iron whilst admiring their form in the mirrored wall, then there was the one in Lichfield that was based in a period residence complete with high fancy ceilings, where the cardio area was so small there was a queuing system for every machine. After that there was the huge corporate giant that was Esporta (I say "was" because I'm not sure whether Esporta as a brand still exists) that was a cool gym, indoor and outdoor pools (although locationwise the outdoor pool was probably a step too far, seeing as the gym was squeezed onto a piece of land between the A5 and the A5127) a huge cardio area, free weights and loads of weights machines, 2-3 aerobic studios, coffee bar/restaurant and beauty treatment rooms. My final gym in England was a golf and country club affair at Branston. Smaller than Esporta having just one pool and studio and a smaller cardio area etc. but the whole set up was more family orientated.
I gave up gym membership when we got a dog, figuring I'd be getting all the exercise I needed that way.
For a while that worked, then we moved to Germany and a friend suggested I try out the step class she went to, then another suggested pilates. When I abandoned both because of the teaching styles I was hooked on exercising again (it's more that then I don't feel guilty when I eat cake, and my clothes still fit than the supposed rush you can get from extreme exercise) and joined the local gym here.
Given my gym history I feel perfectly qualified to comment on the....peculiarities at my (German) gym*...
- the car park drives me scatty, unless you're there early (we're talking before 8.30) you willnot get a parking space, not becausse the gym is full, but becauses there is an RWE office next door and the buggers all part in the gym carpark when theirs is full.
- it seems to be compulsary to greet people as you enter the changing rooms, whether you know them or not, a bit weird if you ask me so I'm probably marked down as an ignorant foreigner for flouting this unwritten rule.
- I was in the gym early last week (before 8 & classes start after 9) I was happily running on a treadmill, listening to my ipod when I became aware of movement in the aerobic studio (there's a huge glass window that separates the two areas) there was an elderly couple dancing in the gloom of the empty studio, and this wasn't just any old dancing, oh no, this was full on ballroom dancing complete with all the dips and twirls (I watch "Strictly Come Dancing", I know what I'm talking about!
- the gym is huge, I think maybe in a previous life it was a warehouse, partly because of its size and high ceilings and also because of the fact that the aerobic studio appears to end in a loading bay complete with a roller shutter door, which is lovely in the summer because it can be fully opened to let a cooling breeze in, but in winter the Siberian wind howls under it and freezes the whole yoga class into their downward dog - thus ensuring that there is a migration of people from one end of the room to the other, the savy old pros knowing to keep well away from the light.
- the size of the gym meaans that there are row upon row of cardiac machines to use. At the front, right under the bank of TV screens are the bikes, usually occupied by the blue rinses who sit there cycling gently to nowhere fast, gossiping to their friends whilst staring up at the breakfast news. Behind the bikes is a row of stepping/stair climbing machines, another row back are the treadmills and the last row is the cross trainers. Each row has between 10-15 machines, maybe more, I have to confess I haven't paused long enough to count them, don't want to be caught staring, someone will mistake me for a German. The day I was in early the row of treadmills was empty, so I chose one in the middle and set off, half way through a woman came along and started up on the machine next to me, she had the choice of the rest of the row but no, she clearly wanted company (not to talk to, thankfully, I don't want to run and talk) After I'd got where I wanted to I moved onto the cross trainers, again choosing one surrounded by unoccupied machines (I am that antisocial) and within minutes the one next to me had some sweaty creature on it. Fun.
- when our boiler broke down last week I realised drastic measures would be required if I was going to maintain my usual levels of hygiene and so after my workout I used the showers at the gym for the first time in almost a year. I shan't be repeating that in a hurry. The room is tiled, obviously, four to five metres long by three to four wide, with shower nozzles spread along the wall at the appropriate level. It reminded me of the showers I had to endure back in high school or maybe even gas chambers, basic, spartan, functional.
- my gym has a sauna that I will never, ever use (hell will freeze over first) it also has a creche and sunbeds that I wont use (no need for a creche & sunbeds are BAD for you, like cigarettes are bad but the Germans are equally addicted to both) I do quite like a sauna, although, given the choice, I prefer a steam room, but while my gym doesn't have a steam room, it does have a sauna...but to use it you have to be stark naked...I guess it could be worse, in most gyms the saunas are naked and mixed...shudder.
- there's a little old lady who I see in the changing rooms every Wednesday, as I'm leaving she's sitting in front of a mirror faffing about with curling tongs and hairdriers, sorting her (short) hair out. Nothing odd with that you might think, except that she's not doing this after getting all sweaty and dirty and washing it, she's doing this prior to going into the gym and getting all sweaty.
So there you have it, yet another facet of normal life that has been given a very special German twist.
* its's part of the Fitness First chain.
Now I have, over the years, been a member of many gyms - there was the one in Cannock where there used to be lots of muscle bound guys pumping iron whilst admiring their form in the mirrored wall, then there was the one in Lichfield that was based in a period residence complete with high fancy ceilings, where the cardio area was so small there was a queuing system for every machine. After that there was the huge corporate giant that was Esporta (I say "was" because I'm not sure whether Esporta as a brand still exists) that was a cool gym, indoor and outdoor pools (although locationwise the outdoor pool was probably a step too far, seeing as the gym was squeezed onto a piece of land between the A5 and the A5127) a huge cardio area, free weights and loads of weights machines, 2-3 aerobic studios, coffee bar/restaurant and beauty treatment rooms. My final gym in England was a golf and country club affair at Branston. Smaller than Esporta having just one pool and studio and a smaller cardio area etc. but the whole set up was more family orientated.
I gave up gym membership when we got a dog, figuring I'd be getting all the exercise I needed that way.
For a while that worked, then we moved to Germany and a friend suggested I try out the step class she went to, then another suggested pilates. When I abandoned both because of the teaching styles I was hooked on exercising again (it's more that then I don't feel guilty when I eat cake, and my clothes still fit than the supposed rush you can get from extreme exercise) and joined the local gym here.
Given my gym history I feel perfectly qualified to comment on the....peculiarities at my (German) gym*...
- the car park drives me scatty, unless you're there early (we're talking before 8.30) you willnot get a parking space, not becausse the gym is full, but becauses there is an RWE office next door and the buggers all part in the gym carpark when theirs is full.
- it seems to be compulsary to greet people as you enter the changing rooms, whether you know them or not, a bit weird if you ask me so I'm probably marked down as an ignorant foreigner for flouting this unwritten rule.
- I was in the gym early last week (before 8 & classes start after 9) I was happily running on a treadmill, listening to my ipod when I became aware of movement in the aerobic studio (there's a huge glass window that separates the two areas) there was an elderly couple dancing in the gloom of the empty studio, and this wasn't just any old dancing, oh no, this was full on ballroom dancing complete with all the dips and twirls (I watch "Strictly Come Dancing", I know what I'm talking about!
- the gym is huge, I think maybe in a previous life it was a warehouse, partly because of its size and high ceilings and also because of the fact that the aerobic studio appears to end in a loading bay complete with a roller shutter door, which is lovely in the summer because it can be fully opened to let a cooling breeze in, but in winter the Siberian wind howls under it and freezes the whole yoga class into their downward dog - thus ensuring that there is a migration of people from one end of the room to the other, the savy old pros knowing to keep well away from the light.
- the size of the gym meaans that there are row upon row of cardiac machines to use. At the front, right under the bank of TV screens are the bikes, usually occupied by the blue rinses who sit there cycling gently to nowhere fast, gossiping to their friends whilst staring up at the breakfast news. Behind the bikes is a row of stepping/stair climbing machines, another row back are the treadmills and the last row is the cross trainers. Each row has between 10-15 machines, maybe more, I have to confess I haven't paused long enough to count them, don't want to be caught staring, someone will mistake me for a German. The day I was in early the row of treadmills was empty, so I chose one in the middle and set off, half way through a woman came along and started up on the machine next to me, she had the choice of the rest of the row but no, she clearly wanted company (not to talk to, thankfully, I don't want to run and talk) After I'd got where I wanted to I moved onto the cross trainers, again choosing one surrounded by unoccupied machines (I am that antisocial) and within minutes the one next to me had some sweaty creature on it. Fun.
- when our boiler broke down last week I realised drastic measures would be required if I was going to maintain my usual levels of hygiene and so after my workout I used the showers at the gym for the first time in almost a year. I shan't be repeating that in a hurry. The room is tiled, obviously, four to five metres long by three to four wide, with shower nozzles spread along the wall at the appropriate level. It reminded me of the showers I had to endure back in high school or maybe even gas chambers, basic, spartan, functional.
- my gym has a sauna that I will never, ever use (hell will freeze over first) it also has a creche and sunbeds that I wont use (no need for a creche & sunbeds are BAD for you, like cigarettes are bad but the Germans are equally addicted to both) I do quite like a sauna, although, given the choice, I prefer a steam room, but while my gym doesn't have a steam room, it does have a sauna...but to use it you have to be stark naked...I guess it could be worse, in most gyms the saunas are naked and mixed...shudder.
- there's a little old lady who I see in the changing rooms every Wednesday, as I'm leaving she's sitting in front of a mirror faffing about with curling tongs and hairdriers, sorting her (short) hair out. Nothing odd with that you might think, except that she's not doing this after getting all sweaty and dirty and washing it, she's doing this prior to going into the gym and getting all sweaty.
So there you have it, yet another facet of normal life that has been given a very special German twist.
* its's part of the Fitness First chain.
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